My name is Tamar, I'm 16 and this is where I say what I want to say you dumb African
"Life it’s self is only a vision, a dream, nothing exists in an empty space. And you... you are nothing but a thought. "

So today was a shitty day...
My mind is thinking about him and I can't stop... the things my brain can come up with is ridiculous.
He's really annoyed and pissed at me because I'm "blowing up his phone"... I'm sorry, I thought that was me caring about you and trying to find out if you're okay since you were "going to kill someone" last night. Is it my fault I want to just talk to you? You've ignored me and been doing something this whole week... we haven't spoken and now ALL A SUDDEN it's so hard for you to be with me after 9 months of doing amazing together? I swear it's because his grandparents left... he's acting like he can do whatever he wants. He throws 2 parties and he's suddenly so busy. After 1 week of not talking and doing the stuff he's done it's suddenly "It's so hard to be with you, you live so far away, and I’m so busy" YOU CALL ME ONCE EVERY NIGHT, before you go to bed... how is that you being too busy to talk?
Whatever... I highly doubt he's going to call me tonight... I know he's not. To be honest... I don't think he's going to call me ever again... we're not going to talk about this... I just feel it. This is how it's going to end between us...
He won’t even try...he told me in the beginning of our relationship that if he breaks up with me or w/e and for whatever reason for me to try for a month or so to get back with him... but at this point... I don't want to try because I feel like he doesn't want me to... I feel like he hates me and I don't know what I've done...He says the whole Justice thing broke his heart or w/e... he acts like I wasn't hurt from that too.. Justice didn't break my heart because of w/e... he broke it because it broke his and fucked me and him up... I don't know what to say anymore or what to do... He won’t talk to me... all I've been doing is crying and crying and I can't stop... my heart doesn't want to let him go... I just want to know what I've done so wrong... why won’t he talk to me and why won’t he try... I thought seeing him would finally solve all of our problems... we would see each other and we would stop fighting and everything would good again... But I guess I was wrong...again.
Anyways, I’ve been getting yelled at and kept getting into trouble at school, then when I asked my brother to come pick me up because I didn’t feel good, which I really don’t, he snapes on me and says “there’s always something with you. Oh my head hurts, ohh I feel sick. Like you have a half hour left” the rest I can’t remember, so I went back to class but couldn’t stand it so I left and while I was walking home, I was crossing the street and I get hit by a car… It wasn’t bad, obviously, but it fucking hurt. I was crossing, and I’m TELLING you, there we not fucking cars, I don’t know whatever, so I was crossing and then I turn to my left and I see a car coming at me and before I could move I get hit. My head hits the windshield and my body like hit the hood or whatever then fell to the floor. The guy comes out and starts apologizing, I just get up and say I’m fine or w/e and he’s like” I’ll take you to the hospital”, I giggle and was like, “I’m not bleeding bud, it’s okay, I’m fine” and we talk for a bit he’s making sure I was okay, I kept saying I was fine after maybe 10 minutes we leave or w/e… then I get home and here I am? My side is fucked up and I have a headache and a bump on my head, I can barely walk…. Like I’m already weak as fuck as it is… whatever.


RATxo