My name is Tamar, I'm 16 and this is where I say what I want to say you dumb African
"Life it’s self is only a vision, a dream, nothing exists in an empty space. And you... you are nothing but a thought. "

I guess this is a poem or story or my thoughts... I don't know...

The depression it eats away at my brain. Each day it gets worse and as the days go by my smile loses its height. So many people around me who care and love me, so why is this shit still here in my life? I try and try to be the happiest person you could possibly know, but it eats away at me, do I need the pills? Do I need to swallow my happiness? Do I need a prescription, written on papers that the doctors own that say I’m depressed, that I’m crazy… that I need these pills to survive my daily life. All this confusion in my brain, question after question, driving me up the walls, sleepless night, dreaming of my death I can’t take this fucking world anymore, should I end it all now? What do I do, what do I say. How do I start to explain? I hate my life and I hate myself, I hate who I am and who I’ve become. I hate living in this world, I hate my body I hate everything there is about me. I wish I could change and be someone else. I just want to die and end all the pain. Depression eats at you like a disease rotting your insides, starting from your soul to your heart, to your skin with the blade, to the wall feeling your pain, to the end of your life where you lay. Kill me now and end this pain.

Labels: poems

The First one

Another glimpse at these undefined lines that seem to take the best of these undisguised times. Look into the mirror and hate what you see, throw back a punch and make your knuckles bleed. Cover it up, I don’t want to see, that disgusting thing standing in front of me. I’ll hide and make the illusions seen to the world, cover it up and lie to everyone around me they’ll never see what really goes on inside of me. Cover up the beautiful soul trying to break free from her own, war inside her mind, making her think that she’s nothing more than a worthless whore. Tie her down and slit her throat, make her bleed, and burn the torch, I want to hear her scream my name, I want to hear that she’s the one to blame for fucking up every chance she had to smile and feel alive, I want to know that she’s happy on her own, make this bitch burn to never be found again, I want her to scream for mercy and beg to be let go, get every chance you got and kill that worthless soul. Make this once happy little girl be hole once more, leave all the stress behind and walk toward the sunlight, lay on the bright, green grass and burn the hash, feel alright for those moments seen in the light blue sky, your free to breathe. No more stress of the mirror turning back, showing the evils deep inside of you. No more hurtful soul to take control, no more lies deep inside my mind only the feeling of flying so high in the sky. Let’s make this moment last for the rest of my life.

The second one

I close my eyes and smile knowing that everything is alright. His breath on my neck, the steady breathing, silence to enjoy. Our hearts on display but bodies are hidden deep beneath the blankets wrapped up in each other’s thoughts, arms are open wide. Quiet voice, calming to my ears. This distance is daring I have to admit, but these moment spent beneath are like an unbelievable bliss. Taking in every moment, hand to hand. Lipped locked beauty to the indescribable sent. He’s like my drug, and overdosing on him is like standing in the rain and listening to the thunder, only his voice can keep me from going under. Can’t get enough of him he’s my only desire, needing, bleeding, feeding for his touch, a life with you is more than enough. His touch is the softest of feelings, running his hand down my sides, my heart is racing, a soft kiss on the neck I think I’m having a heart attack. Arms around me so tight, holding on like there’s no tomorrow, deep in each other’s eyes I see no horror. Smiles so bright and laughs so cute, I seem to be obsessed with how you know what to do. I’m a crazy girl in love with a man who’s way more than enough.

- Tamar Naalabandian.

Labels: poems

So the reason I haven't been blogging is because I lost my computer and if you've been texting I can't get them because I don't have my phone either. So yeah life sucks. That's all I wanted to say lol bye byeeee

Labels: blogs, cell phone, computer