My name is Tamar, I'm 16 and this is where I say what I want to say you dumb African
"Life it’s self is only a vision, a dream, nothing exists in an empty space. And you... you are nothing but a thought. "

I usually find myself sitting in corners and watching the world go round.
I don’t exactly know why I am the way I am, I wish I can change all the time… but at the same time I don’t because I am proud to be who I am, and who I am is different from you and I. If that makes sense to you.
Why is it that everyone always seems to tell me “there’s just something different about you… you’re really not like other girls” is it because I am different? I mean obviously I am… but why… what makes me so different. I ask… same answers I get.
I know I’m crazy. I just know it.
I can name the things I have, I know what is wrong with me, I know how I am and I know what I need.
If I know I’m crazy, why aren’t I getting help? So does this mean I’m not crazy? Or am I just in denial? What is actually wrong with me? Why don’t I get counseling? No… fuck that I’ll take my psychotic self and live.
What the fuck happened to me? I was once normal, I didn’t have these things wrong with me, I don’t understand, why is this happening to me? Why is all I fucking ask but I never get any fucking answers to my cries of uncertainty. No one listens… or is there?
This god you cry to, pray to… he’s a fake. These silly little make believe stories made to help our tiny little brains to understand the world as itself have gotten out of hand. It makes me laugh when these high loving Jesus fucks praise this invisible man, this God whom says he loves you, yet gives you a world like this? HAHAHAH okay.
These’s thoughts in my mind seem to control me a lot. Seem to take over my head and I get confused and uncertain of my existence, I question myself, my beliefs, and my life. Am I truly here? Or did I die already and I am making the rest of my life in a story that’s untold? Can I really control my fate? The powers that exist in me, my body are uncontrollable, unbelievable, and unrecognizable, how could it be that I can control my own world?
Why aren’t I making any sense…? I’m starting to sound crazy… I apologize… just felt and had this need to write down EVERYTHING that I was thinking at that exact moment… so I did and this is what came out.


xoRAT

Labels: life